Dear Madonna,I know you must get this all the time, but I am a big BIG fan. Like any other self-respecting gay (who openly admits it) I love you and your music. I first really fell for you when I saw you live on the Re-Invention Tour. I left that concert in awe, knowing that I had just seen one of the best performers of our generation. I have defended you in the past against other haters who say you're old and washed up. Contrary to that, I think over time you have evolved into an artist rather than just an entertainer, and that is so small feat.
However, I am beginning to worry about you. It started off slow. First it was the whole Malawi business and the accusations that you were stealing children. Granted, avoiding the national rules demanding adopters to live in the country before taking children kind of was fodder for the tabloids, but whatever. But then you did it again, then only to throw a hissy fit when the rule wasn't bended for you again. I understand your desire to help children. But sometimes we can't always get what we want when we want it. That's something you're not too keen on hearing, I know. But as a spiritual leader, you must know that what is meant to be will be. Have faith in that.
Then I saw you on the Sticky and Sweet Tour. Yes, you rocked Madison Square Garden and you put on a fantastic show as always. But the costumes? What happened to the simple elegance of The Confessions Tour? It was almost alright until you wore that football player outfit with the really bad asymmetrical wig. It kinda made you look scary. And not in a good way. Scary like, Courtney Love scary. Courtney Love on steroids with bad hair scary. And we all know that you don't want that.
And I don't know if it's the divorce from Guy or what, but you've been acting out a lot lately and it all culminated in your Costume Gala outfit. I mean, really? You have gazillions of dollars and you chose to wear a giant scrunchie on your head? (see above) It didn't even look like you washed your hair. And then you wore the dress. And then the hooker boots. Girl, we all know that you are a sex-pot (because you tell us over and over and over again - stop listening to Janet Jackson who insists that the whole wide world know everything about her sex life. You like sex. We get it).
But really. You're at the most fashionable event of the year. Could we not have some glam?
And here's the thing. Sweetie, we all know you are 50. We all know you are in great shape. Hell, if I met you in a dark alley I would not want to fuck with you. So I don't really understand why you can't let a few wrinkles show. What happened to the Madonna who showed up at the Gucci fundraiser looking flawlessly classic? Yes, you were a little botoxed out, but still. But the thing that made you classic was that even though it's obvious you've had a snip here and there, you didn't look like an alien from the planet of "I-mysteriously-stop-aging-and-everyone-pretends-not-to-know-how-that-happened."
But alas. There was not a wrinkle in sight at the Met gala. And now it seems that your breasts are the latest victims to your age-defying strategy. *sigh* I mean, please. We've all seen them! What is there to hide at this point?
This all reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City where Samantha says that "no man wants to fuck grandma's pussy." But she still got it on without all the craziness, so why can't you? AND you have a man younger than Smith, who is well aware of your age. And Latino, your favorite. What is there to hide? To quote Ms. Bradshaw, "he knows you're older." I mean the kid is 22 for christ's sake. You have songs older than him. And yet he's still with you.
I have heard you say that you want to be like Marlene Dietrich, and for all intents and purposes you are the Marlene Dietrich of this era. But the bitch got older, and so are you. I was hoping that when you did get older, you wouldn't get crazy i.e. Lauren Hutton or Shirely Maclaine or Liza Minnelli. Or that you wouldn't look like Cher when you are 70. But it seems you are down that road. I mean, why can't you age gracefully, like Sophia Loren or Ellen Burstyn or . . . Marlene Dietrich in fact.
So my dear Madonna, I hope you will recant (as you Catholics love to do) and change your image. Would it not set a fantastic example for your daughter on how a woman can age AND still be gorgeous without all the extra hoo-ha? You're body is amazing for a woman of any age, shouldn't that just be enough? And as far as publicity goes, you are still a genious - I mean everyone is talking about the Costume Gala "incident." However they are talking about it negatively. And I'm not saying whatsoever that you need to die or disappear or stop recording or performing or stop being on the cutting edge of what is hot and popular. I mean, you are 50 for god's sake and probably one of the few celebrities out there who is still making an impact after 3 decades. But my fear you, my sweet Madgeypoo (may I call you that?), is that I will wake up one day in the next couple years and mistake you for Elizabeth Taylor. And I desperately don't want that to happen. I want you to be fabulous. I want you to be naturally gorgeous and radiant. I want you to be continue to be relevant and current- just not in the area of who is the latest one to get bitten by the bug that makes old stars go senile.
Much Love and Kisses,
J
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